by CBS Fantasy Journalist

Happy Valley Violence won in an exceptionally close game against Mercer Mustangs, while Philadelphia Griffins bested Keystone Longfellows with plenty of points to spare. That plus a very lucky win for Orange Co. Beach Dudes in this week’s report.

Cya!

Philadelphia Griffins didn’t give Keystone Longfellows a chance this week, blowing past them 62.5 to 40. Despite the big margin, Philadelphia Griffins got a fairly lucky victory, winning with the 4th lowest point total in the league this week.

The loss drops Keystone Longfellows to 1 – 1 – 1, and sinks them to the bottom of our internal power rankings. The win brings Philadelphia Griffins to 1 – 2.

Philadelphia Griffins had a decent start during the early Sunday games. Adam Thielen carried the water, scoring 12 points.

Meanwhile, Keystone Longfellows decided the whole ‘scoring points’ thing was passe. Gabe Davis was the worst of a four man group of underperformers, scoring only 1.5 points. Keystone Longfellows also had to deal with a poor effort from Joe Mixon (8.9 points below expected).

Going into the Sunday late games, Keystone Longfellows were already a long shot to win. After Kyler Murray dropped only 7 points it was all she wrote.

Down to the Wire

In a game that couldn’t get much closer, Happy Valley Violence slipped by Mercer Mustangs, winning 64 to 63. The 1 point margin that separated these two teams is the smallest gap of the season so far.

The loss makes it three in a row for Mercer Mustangs, which gives them a 0 – 3 record. The win brings Happy Valley Violence to 2 – 1.

Happy Valley Violence had several players step up in the win, as four starters beat their positional averages. Chase Edmonds was the best of the bunch, scoring 12.5 points. Happy Valley Violence also got the benefit of the 3rd straight game that Daniel Carlson exceeded his expectations.

The game wouldn’t have been as close if Coaches Chris Paret, Jeffrey Ozarski, and John Trzeciak had put Jamaal Williams (20 points) in the lineup. Williams did better than any player actually in Happy Valley Violence’s starting lineup this week.

Mark Andrews did his best to give Mercer Mustangs a chance to win. Andrews scored 21 points, which were the most that any tight end collected this week. Unfortunately, for Mercer Mustangs, he both began and ended the list of big performers on the squad.

Mercer Mustangs had three stooges, with Darrell Henderson Jr., Rashod Bateman, and Greg Joseph tallying 4 points. Joseph scored 2 points, which were fewer than every other kicker this week.

Putting on a Show

By a score of 81 to 69, Boxboro Blowfish walked away victorious over Dallas Armadillos. Boxboro Blowfish have now exceeded the league average point total in three straight games. The win brings Boxboro Blowfish’s record to 2 – 0 – 1, while dropping Dallas Armadillos to 1 – 1.

Three players (Saquon Barkley, Jalen Hurts, and Dameon Pierce) delivered victory to Boxboro Blowfish, getting 49 of their team’s 81 points. Hurts has now exceeded the average quarterback’s performance in every game so far this year. Following Sunday’s game, he became the first quarterback in NFL history to earn over 900 passing yards and 150 rushing yards in the first three games of the season.

Meanwhile, it will be difficult for Coaches Paul Gilgallon and Sam McClain to fault any one player for the loss. Dallas Armadillos had five underperformers, with D’Andre Swift (2.5 points) being the worst.

Someone will get their first loss next week as the 2 – 0 – 1 Boxboro Blowfish takes on the 2 – 0 – 1 New Chester Thorobreds. The game will be a clash of the titans, as those are the two top teams in the league. Meanwhile, Dallas Armadillos will collide with Chicago Mud.

Better Lucky than Good

Orange Co. Beach Dudes had to be wary coming into this game after losing both matches against Chicago Mud last season. Thankfully for Coaches dan callahan and Ross Hessler, the past was not prelude. Orange Co. Beach Dudes squeaked past Chicago Mud, winning 52 to 49. Big time luck for Orange Co. Beach Dudes in this contest, as they would have lost against all but one other team.

The win brings Orange Co. Beach Dudes’ record to 2 – 1, while dropping Chicago Mud to 1 – 2.

Dalvin Cook was the key contributor for Orange Co. Beach Dudes, scoring 13 points. Despite winning, Orange Co. Beach Dudes struggled to score points due to five underperforming players, of whom Russell Wilson (2 points) was the worst. Wilson failed to throw a single touchdown on Sunday, par for the course for the quarterback now totalling 2 TDs this season.

Meanwhile, there were plenty of chefs cooking up this week’s loss for Chicago Mud. Tua Tagovailoa was the worst of a six man group of underperformers, tallying only 6 points.(1) Tyreek Hill has to share in some of the blame as well, coming up with 7.5 fewer points than he was expected to. That was quite a falloff from last week, when he scored 33.5 points.

All Eyes on Me

Miami Muffdivers came into the game as the biggest underdog this week, but they didn’t let that get them down. They got past Frelinghuysen Froglickers without much trouble, winning 82.5 to 66. The win brings Miami Muffdivers’ record to 2 – 1, while dropping Frelinghuysen Froglickers to 1 – 2.

When Coach Pat landy entertained thoughts of winning this game, he probably didn’t include the two players that ended up leading the way. DeVonta Smith scored 23 points, while Tyler Boyd scored 15. Smith’s 23 points were the most of any wide receiver this week. He caught eight passes for a career-high 169 yards on Sunday, 44 of which came from this incredible reception.

Meanwhile, Frelinghuysen Froglickers suffered through poor performances from Matthew Stafford, Jarvis Landry, and Justin Jefferson, who collectively scored only 6.5 points. Jefferson was probably the biggest let down this week, since he was projected to put up 18.8 points. He totaled 14 receiving yards on Sunday, whi ch is the worst single-game performance of his career.

Miami Muffdivers will be going against Orange Co. Beach Dudes next week. Coach Landy is getting Orange Co. Beach Dudes at the right time, as they will limp into next week’s game having posted less than 55 points each of the last two weeks.

Meanwhile, Frelinghuysen Froglickers will take on Philadelphia Griffins. Frelinghuysen Froglickers have now been the favorite in both their last two games, and failed to perform both times. The experts might not give them the benefit of the doubt in their next one.

Jackson Five (TDs)

Big Oregon Bang earned a pretty comfortable victory over Connecticut Wildcats, winning 88 to 67. The defeat puts Connecticut Wildcats on a three game losing streak, dropping their record to 0 – 3. The win brings Big Oregon Bang to 2 – 1.

Big Oregon Bang relied heavily on Lamar Jackson, who delivered 33 points. Jackson topped all but one player this week with that performance.(2) In the past eight days, he has achieved more games with 3+ passing touchdowns and 100+ rushing yards (two) than any other NFL player has earned in their entire career.

Meanwhile, Coach Ron Yeany can blame the loss on Justin Herbert, Aaron Jones, and Tyler Bass, who together managed only 13.5 points. Jones hopefully has some credit left over from last week’s 24.5 point performance. He rushed for only 36 yards this week and also fumbled the ball just a yard short of the endzone.

Next week will see Big Oregon Bang taking on the 1 – 1 – 1 Keystone Longfellows. That team is not coming in very hot, after finishing this week with only 40 points. As for Connecticut Wildcats, they will match up with Happy Valley Violence.

(1) Player didn’t have fewest points on team, but did the worst versus their positional average
(2) Performance rank based on how player did vs their positional average